Beyond the Battlefield: Navigating High-Conflict Divorce and Parallel Parenting with a Narcissist in Indiana

If you are navigating a divorce in Indiana and it feels less like a legal process and more like a psychological war zone, you are likely dealing with a high-conflict personality. When a partner exhibits narcissistic traits, such as a profound lack of empathy, a chronic need for admiration, and a "win-at-all-costs" mentality, the traditional advice to "just cooperate for the kids" can feel impossible.   

At Think Well Live Well Counseling, we understand that divorcing a narcissist in the Indianapolis area requires more than standard therapy; it requires a strategic shift in how you communicate, parent, and heal.  

Why "Co-Parenting" Doesn't Work with a Narcissist

In Indiana, the legal system generally prioritizes the "best interests of the child," assuming that frequent contact with both parents is ideal. However, for a narcissist, the child is often viewed as an extension of their own ego or a pawn to be used for leverage.   

This creates a high-conflict environment where every interaction becomes a trigger. If you find yourself facing gaslighting, blame-shifting, or "litigation abuse," where your ex uses the court system to harass or financially drain you, it is time to pivot from co-parenting to Parallel Parenting.   

The Parallel Parenting Strategy

Parallel parenting allows you to remain disengaged from your ex while staying fully engaged with your child. In the eyes of the courts, this model is often the safest way to reduce conflict and protect the child’s well-being.   

1. Strict Boundaries in Writing: Vague parenting plans are a narcissist’s playground. Your Indiana parenting plan should specify exact pickup/drop-off times and neutral locations, such as a local library in Carmel or a park in Fishers, to minimize face-to-face contact.  

2. Utilize Technology: Stop the cycle of toxic texting. Use court-approved apps like OurFamilyWizard or BestInterest. These tools provide timestamped, unalterable records that keep both parties accountable and provide clear evidence for your legal team if boundaries are crossed.  

3. The BIFF Communication Method: When you must communicate, keep it Brief, Informative, Friendly (neutral), and Firm. By removing emotion from your responses, you deny the narcissist the "emotional supply" they crave. 

Healing the Trauma: Why EMDR is Your Secret Weapon

Narcissistic abuse often leaves survivors in a state of chronic hypervigilance or "survival mode". At our practice, we specialize in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to help you process the "death by a thousand cuts" associated with long-term emotional abuse.  

EMDR works by integrating traumatic memories into the brain’s natural healing process. For survivors, this means:   

• Reducing the intense emotional charge of past gaslighting or betrayals.   

• Breaking the "trauma bond" that keeps you stuck in the narcissist's orbit.   

• Rebuilding your self-trust and confidence so you can parent with clarity and peace.   

You Don’t Have to Fight Alone

Whether you are in Greenwood, Bloomington, Noblesville, or Zionsville, the journey through a high-conflict divorce is exhausting, but it is not one you have to take alone. At Think Well Live Well Counseling, Becky VanDenburgh, LCSW, LCAC, provides personalized, trauma-informed care designed to help you reclaim your reality and build a stable future for your children.   

Take the first step toward peace. https://www.therapyportal.com/p/thinkwell46222