Why Can't I Stop Worrying? An Indiana Therapist's Honest Answer About Chronic Anxiety
By Becky VanDenburgh, LCSW, LCAC, EMDR Certified Therapist and founder of Think Well Live Well Counseling and Telepsychiatry, with over 20 years of experience treating anxiety, trauma, and addiction. Serving Indianapolis and all of Indiana by secure telehealth. Chronic anxiety is ongoing worry and tension that lasts for months and keeps going even when nothing is actually wrong. It happens when your nervous system gets stuck on high alert, so your mind keeps scanning for problems and your body never fully relaxes. It isn't a character flaw, and it is very treatable. Calming the body, changing how you respond to anxious thoughts, and working with a licensed therapist can help your nervous system finally settle.
What Is Chronic Anxiety?
Chronic anxiety is worry, tension, and unease that sticks around for months, often without a clear reason. When the worry happens most days, feels hard to control, and lasts six months or longer, clinicians call it generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). It often comes with muscle tension and poor sleep.
Your boss sends a message: "Do you have a minute later?" That's it. No context. By lunch you've replayed every meeting from the last month and half-convinced yourself you're about to lose your job.
Or a friend takes a little too long to text back, and you reread what you sent five times. Or you finally sit down on the couch at night, and your brain picks that exact moment to remind you about the bill you forgot, the weird noise the car made, and something awkward you said at a party three years ago.
Nothing is actually wrong right now. That's the part that makes it so exhausting.
I hear some version of this almost every day: "I know it doesn't make sense, but I can't turn it off." And the people saying it usually look like they have it all together. They're the reliable one at work. The one everyone leans on. The one who remembers every birthday.
So let me say this plainly: you're not broken, and this isn't a lack of willpower. Your nervous system learned to stay on guard, usually for very good reasons. And what was learned can be unlearned.
Why Can't I Stop Worrying?
Your brain's alarm system was built to be jumpy on purpose.
For most of human history, jumping at a shadow cost you a few seconds of fear. Missing a real threat could cost you everything. So we inherited a smoke detector that goes off easily.
The trouble is, that alarm now goes off for a tense email, a scary headline, a bank balance, or an hour of scrolling past everyone else's highlight reel. You can't fight or outrun any of those. So your body revs up for a danger that never actually shows up, and it never gets the "all clear."
That's where worry steps in. Your mind tries to help by running through every possible outcome, looking for certainty. But the future is never certain. So the loop just keeps going.
Why Does Worrying Feel Like It Helps?
Here's the sneaky part: worry feels protective.
If you're already braced for the worst, bad news can't catch you off guard. And if nothing bad happens, you get a rush of relief. Either way, your brain decides worrying "worked," so it does it again tomorrow.
That's also why so many anxious people feel uneasy when life is actually going well. Calm feels like the moment right before the other shoe drops.
If you grew up in a home that felt unpredictable, this makes even more sense. Staying on guard was how you kept yourself safe. You didn't do anything wrong. You adapted.
Is It Normal Worry or Something More?
If you feel alone in this, you're not. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 5.7% of U.S. adults will experience generalized anxiety disorder at some point in their lives, and it's nearly twice as common in women as in men. It tends to peak between ages 30 and 59, right when careers, kids, and aging parents all land on the same plate.
Everyone worries. Here's how everyday worry and chronic anxiety usually differ:
Everyday worry | Chronic anxiety | |
What it's about | One specific problem | Lots of things, jumping from one to the next |
How long it lasts | Fades once the problem is handled | Most days, for months |
Can you set it down? | Usually | It feels impossible to switch off |
Your body | A little tension | Tight muscles, poor sleep, wired and tired |
Your life | Mostly unaffected | Affects sleep, work, or relationships |
What Does Anxiety Feel Like in the Body?
Anxiety isn't only in your head. Often your body feels it first.
Tight shoulders, or a clenched jaw you only notice at night
A stomach that never quite settles
Shallow breathing
Feeling wired all day and exhausted by evening
Sleep that doesn't feel like rest
Polyvagal Theory helps explain why. Your nervous system is always quietly scanning for safety or danger. When it gets stuck on "danger," your body stays in fight-or-flight mode, and rest, digestion, and connection get pushed aside.
This is why "just relax" never works. That advice talks to your thinking brain. The alarm is going off in your body.
What Actually Helps Chronic Anxiety?
The good news: anxiety is very treatable. The National Institute of Mental Health names therapy approaches like CBT and ACT, medication, or a combination as effective options. Here's what I see work.
Start with your body
When your alarm is blaring, you can't think your way out. You have to calm your body first.
One tool I teach all the time is four-square breathing:
Breathe in through your nose, and push your belly out as you inhale.
Hold the breath for a count of four.
Draw the square as you are inhaling and exhaling.
Let it all out slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds.
Repeat for at least 3 squares and reassess if you need more.
Stanford researchers found that five minutes a day of this breathing lifted people's mood. It's free, it's quick, and you can do it at your desk, in the car, or at 2 a.m.
Notice the thought instead of arguing with it
You don't have to win a debate with your anxiety. Try putting "I'm having the thought that…" in front of the worry. "Everything's going to go wrong" becomes "I'm having the thought that everything's going to go wrong."
It sounds small. It gives you just enough distance to breathe. This comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), one of the approaches I use most with anxious clients.
Give your worry an appointment
Worry loves to show up everywhere. Try giving it a time and a place: fifteen minutes in the late afternoon, with a pen and paper. When a worry pops up at another time, jot it down and tell it, "Not now. I'll see you at 4." A lot of people are surprised how much smaller the list looks by the time they get there.
This isn't just a trick. In a 2024 study, people with generalized anxiety who practiced postponing their worry to a set time worried significantly less than those who didn't, and the improvement was still there a month later.
Get the basics back on your side
Anxiety feeds on depletion. Too much caffeine, alcohol, skipped meals, and late-night scrolling all turn up the volume. You don't need a perfect routine. Pick one thing, like no caffeine after noon or charging your phone in another room, and start there.
Get support for the deeper layer
Breathing and skills help you get through the day. Therapy helps the pattern actually change. EMDR and polyvagal-informed therapy help your nervous system work through whatever taught it to stay on guard in the first place, so it doesn't have to work so hard anymore.
For some people, medication also gives important stability. If you're already taking something, please don't stop it on your own. Talk with your prescriber first.
The goal isn't zero worry. It's a nervous system that can feel anxious, notice it, and settle back down.
Could It Be Something Besides Anxiety?
Sometimes. ADHD can look a lot like anxiety: a racing mind, trouble focusing, restlessness, poor sleep. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, ADHD often shows up alongside anxiety, which can make both harder to recognize.
One clue: if your focus comes back once the worry settles, anxiety is probably the main driver. If focusing is hard even on calm, easy days, and it's been that way since childhood, it's worth getting evaluated. This gets missed a lot in women, so trust your gut if it sounds familiar.
When Is It Time to Talk to Someone?
If worry has been running your life for months, that's your sign.
Some things I listen for:
Lying awake replaying conversations
Putting off calls, emails, or doctor's appointments because of what they might bring
Feeling tense or worn out most days
Needing a glass of wine, a snack, or a scroll just to get through the evening
Saying no to more and more because everything feels like too much
A lot of people wait years because they're still "functioning." But functioning isn't the same as feeling okay. You don't have to hit bottom to deserve support.
If you're having thoughts of harming yourself, please call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, right now. You deserve immediate support.
Let's Talk. It's Just a Conversation.
If you recognized yourself in this post, the endless replaying, the constant tension, the sense that you can't turn your mind off, please know that chronic anxiety is not a permanent state. With the right support, your nervous system can learn to feel safe again.
I offer a complimentary consultation so we can talk about what you're experiencing, answer any questions you have about therapy, and decide together whether working with me is the right fit. There's no cost and no obligation, and you don't need to have everything figured out before we talk. Sessions are held by secure telehealth anywhere in Indiana.
📍 Serving Indianapolis and all of Indiana by secure telehealth, including Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, Greenwood, Avon, Greenfield, Carmel, and surrounding Marion, Hamilton, Hendricks, Boone, and Johnson counties. Learn more about anxiety and stress management therapy.
Frequently Asked Questions About Chronic Anxiety
What is the difference between normal worry and generalized anxiety disorder?
Normal worry is tied to a specific problem and eases once the problem is solved. Generalized anxiety disorder involves excessive, hard-to-control worry across many areas of life on more days than not for at least six months, along with physical symptoms such as muscle tension, fatigue, restlessness, poor concentration, irritability, or disrupted sleep.
Why is my anxiety worse at night?
At night, the distractions disappear. There are no emails or errands to keep your mind busy, so worry gets the whole stage. And a body stuck on high alert has a hard time shifting into rest. A few minutes of slow breathing and a notepad by the bed, to park worries until morning, can really help.
Can chronic anxiety be cured?
Chronic anxiety is very treatable. The goal isn't a life with zero worry. It's a nervous system that can feel anxious, recover, and keep moving toward what matters to you. Therapies like ACT, CBT, EMDR, and polyvagal-informed work help many people feel lasting relief.
Does breathing really help anxiety?
Yes. A 2023 Stanford study found that five minutes a day of breathing lifted people's mood more than meditation did. Long, slow exhales tell your body it's safe. It works best as one tool alongside other support.
Is online therapy effective for anxiety?
Yes. Secure telehealth delivers the same evidence-based approaches used in person, including CBT, ACT, and EMDR, and many anxious clients find it easier to open up from home. Read more in How Does Teletherapy Work for Anxiety Treatment?
Is there an anxiety therapist in Indianapolis who offers a free consultation?
Yes. I'm Becky VanDenburgh, LCSW, LCAC, and I treat chronic anxiety, trauma, and co-occurring concerns at Think Well Live Well Counseling and Telepsychiatry, serving clients throughout Indiana by secure telehealth. The first consultation is complimentary.
Sources
National Institute of Mental Health. Generalized Anxiety Disorder statistics.
Polyvagal Institute. What Is Polyvagal Theory?
Stanford Medicine. 'Cyclic sighing' can help breathe away anxiety.
Balban, M. Y., et al. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine.
National Institute of Mental Health. Generalized Anxiety Disorder: When Worry Gets Out of Control.
Krzikalla et al. (2024). Worry Postponement From the Metacognitive Perspective: A Randomized Waitlist-Controlled Trial. Clinical Psychology in Europe.
National Institute of Mental Health. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.
This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individual medical or mental health advice.
Comments